The three quiet questions love asks

Safe connection rests on three things:

Reachable — Can I get to you? Will you turn toward me? Mattering — Do my feelings move you? Do I matter to you? Staying — Will you stay in it with me, not just be near me?

When you feel insecure with someone, it's almost always because one of the three feels uncertain. When you feel safe, it's because all three are present.

You can use these as a flashlight. Next time you feel a pang of disconnection, ask: which of the three did I stop feeling? That's usually where the real conversation is.